There are a variety of reasons why your son may be angry. Perhaps he is going through something emotionally challenging or struggling psychologically. He may also be adjusting to the rising levels of testosterone in his body, which are causing him to go through puberty.

Other sources for anger in teens may surround their need for autonomy. If teens do not feel that they are given any autonomy or decision-making freedoms, they can act out in anger; they may also do the same when they feel misunderstood.  

Anxiety can also influence the level of anger that teens experience. For example, those with higher levels of anxiety or anxiety disorders may be more prone to experiencing anger. Anger may also be a sign of a having experienced trauma, or it could be symptomatic of a mental health issue such as bipolar disorder, depression, conduct disorder, or even substance abuse.

The way anger is expressed can determine whether it is problematic for your son. If he is able to control his temper and express his anger by putting it into a healthy outlet, this is good. Unfortunately, teens do not have all of the tools that adults do and may need some encouragement when it comes to managing their emotions in a healthy way. Increasing the emotional intelligence in your teen is a great way to help him adjust to the changes that are going on throughout the teen years.

In order to increase the emotional intelligence in your teen, it’s important to encourage him to express what he is feeling and going through. Men are often socialized to suppress their emotions and hold back, as emotional expression can sometimes be seen as a sign of weakness. However, this is not healthy. It’s healthy to identify and express emotions in a way that doesn’t encourage your teen to engage in aggression toward others or himself.

When emotions are bottled up, they can explode or leak out in strange and unusual ways. Encourage your son to express himself and to not hold back out of fear of appearing weak. This will help to increase his emotional intelligence. If your teen begins expressing himself with rage or aggression, it may be a sign that help is warranted.

If your teen is struggling with controlling his temper or expressing his emotions, it may help for him to have someone to talk to, such as a licensed therapist. Our team of professionals at Idaho Youth Ranch are here to help your teen son understand his anger and learn to control it in a healthy way. 

Teenagers who struggle to control their moods and anger may continue to have issues with their temper and emotions later on, in their adult years, if they are not given any help or support. It’s imperative for teens to learn to manage their emotions and express their anger in healthy ways when they are young so they can develop healthy coping skills that they’ll use as adults. When they engage in unhealthy coping skills and refrain from learning to express their anger constructively or manage their emotions in a healthy way, it can lead to greater issues later on in life and make getting help or changing their behavioral patterns as adults even more difficult.

Such issues associated with anger control problems that are left unchecked include issues with the law, difficulties holding consistent employment or dealing with authority figures, and difficulties in one’s own social life.

As previously mentioned, anger may also be a sign of a mental health issue, so it’s imperative that teens who are exhibiting signs of problematic anger receive the help and intervention they need. Bipolar disorder, schizoaffective disorder, depression, anxiety, conduct disorder, antisocial personality disorder, and substance abuse may all show symptoms of anger control issues, or persistent anger.

If left unchecked, this can lead to greater mental health issues later down the line. It can also cause teens to engage in risky or unsafe behaviors, such as drug use or abuse, risky sexual behavior, internet addiction, exercising too much, etc.

Having issues with anger or temper control can also make it difficult for your teen to establish healthy relationships with others, both as a teen and as an adult, and can lead to a dysfunctional home life or an abusive relationship depending on the severity of the anger, its cause, and whether your teen receives the help and intervention he or she needs.

If you are concerned about your teen’s anger, it’s important to seek help right away. Our skilled professionals at Idaho Youth Ranch specialize in working with teens to help them manage their emotions and cope in healthy ways so they may lead fulfilling, successful lives as adults.

Should your teen be experiencing any of the warning signs above, it’s important to seek help from an experienced professional who has success working with at-risk youth.

As parents, there are also some things you can do to help prevent situations from escalating and to try to keep the energy in your home as calm as possible.

Avoid trying to control your teen.

Trying to control your teen can result in even more anger or aggression. Your teen needs to feel autonomous and like a unique, separate individual. Even though teens still need safe boundaries, guidance, and consistency in enforcing rules from adults, having their own say in some of the decisions that relate to their life can go a long way. Rather than treating your teen like a young child, it’s important to treat him/her like a young adult.

Talk to your teen in a businesslike manner.

Do not yell at your teen or express a lot of “attitude” in dealing with him or her, as it may only escalate the situation at hand and encourage more attitude from their end. Talk to your teen as you would a business connection: without emotion, even-keeled, consistent, and matter-of-fact. This is especially important when it comes to setting and enforcing rules and boundaries.

If you speak to your teen like an adult, they are going to be more likely to respond maturely. When teens are spoken to like children, they are more likely to feel disrespected and lash out with aggression in an attempt to establish more independence.

Show respect for your teen’s privacy.

Privacy is important to teenagers, and while you want to ensure your teen is staying safe and not engaging in anything dangerous, it’s important to show your teen the same respect for their privacy you would another adult. Invading a teen’s privacy can lead to mistrust and a tendency for them to conceal information in the future.

Listen and acknowledge your teen’s emotions.

When a teen is experiencing high emotions and feels misunderstood, it’s important to listen. Try to understand what your teen is going through and acknowledge those emotions. Do not ignore them or make your teen feel unvalidated for what they’re feeling.

Having emotions is normal and we all experience them; however, it’s the way the emotions are expressed that is important. Failing to acknowledge your teen’s emotions can add fuel to their fire of feeling misunderstood and powerless.

Offer your teen healthy options.

When your teen is feeling angry, it’s important for them to learn healthy ways of coping with their feelings. Offer your teen some healthy options, such as:

• Deep breathing exercises
• Guided meditation
• Yoga or exercise
• Sports or physical activities
• Journaling
• Adult coloring books
• Music or art
• Controlled activities such as throwing axes, breaking plates, boxing, etc.

Model healthy habits for your teen.

If you would like your teen to develop healthy methods of managing and expressing their emotions, it’s important to model what that looks like. No person is perfect, and there will be times when we cannot model ideal behavior for our teens at all times, but the best examples of what it looks like to be a healthy, well-adjusted adult will go a long way with developing youth.

If you feel like you need some help with your own emotional regulation and expression, some individual, group, or family therapy sessions can certainly assist you in this.

Know when to step away. 

When your teen is angry, it’s important to stay professional and businesslike. Part of this includes refraining from snapping or yelling, as this will only escalate the situation. Instead, set healthy limits and boundaries, speak professionally, and know when to step away and take a time out should you feel that things are becoming too heated. These are healthy habits to model for your teen that will help prevent situations from growing out of control while lessening conflict in the home.

Set limits and boundaries for anger for your teen.

When your teen is angry, set limits surrounding what is and is not an acceptable expression of that anger. These rules can include not throwing objects, not breaking objects, not swearing or verbally abusing another person, etc. Once these limits are set, be consistent in holding your teen accountable, and have consequences in place for if your teen fails to abide by those limits. Have them replace any items they break and apologize to those they hurt with their words or actions. Do this all in a very businesslike manner.

Don't micromanage or criticize your teen.

While teens do need managing, and a bit of constructive criticism can do a great deal of good, it’s important to refrain from being overly critical of your teen. They are in a delicate stage of development, and consistent criticism can have a negative impact on that development. It is also important to choose your battles and refrain from micromanaging. Having a teen who is angry and acting out may naturally cause you to want to tighten the reigns and watch their every move, but this can cause them to act out even more as their need for autonomy will grow even stronger. Allow them opportunities to make their own choices when possible and enforce the consequences of any rules they do not follow. No teen is perfect, and it is unrealistic to expect them to be obedient 100% of the time. However, consistency with consequences when they mess up is an important learning tool.

Spend quality time together and show a genuine interest in your teen’s life.

Even though it may not feel like this, your teen really values your time and interest in their life. Spending quality time with your teen is important. Make some time to do some of your favorite things together, and check in with your teen, as some of the things you enjoyed doing together when they were younger have likely changed. This is to be expected. Ask your teen if there are some new things that they’d like to do together. Perhaps there’s a movie you could see together, a restaurant they’d like to try, an activity the two of you enjoy doing together, a place you’d both like to travel to on a vacation, etc. Showing interest in your teen and his or her interests, hobbies, and favorite things holds a lot of power, as it can deepen your connection and help your teen feel understood and accepted. You may not always see eye to eye, but showing an interest in getting to know your son or daughter better is one of the most powerful, healing things a parent can do for their teen.

At Idaho Youth Ranch, we specialize in working with at-risk youth to help them learn to manage their anger and emotions and express it in healthy ways. If the anger your teen is feels is a symptom of a more serious issue such as depression, bipolar disorder, trauma, or substance abuse, our team will work with your family to form a treatment plan specially designed for your teen. Early intervention for emotional and behavioral issues is imperative for your teen in order to learn how to manage anything that comes toward them in a healthy way, now and as an adult. It can also help combat the likelihood of developing a more serious mental health issue as an older teen or young adult.

We offer a variety of therapy options to help your teen, depending on their unique needs. Whether it’s inpatient or outpatient treatment, individual sessions, group sessions, family therapy, parenting skills development, or equine therapy that your teen and family need, we have you covered. Since an angry teen can impact a variety of aspects of the family unit and home life, we like to meet families where they are and help restore the unit when needed as well.

Do you feel like your teen could benefit from the help of a counselor or therapist? If so, we encourage you to reach out to us. We’re happy to put you in touch with any resources you need and set up an initial evaluation and treatment plan.

Anger is something that no teen should suffer with alone. Help your teen let go of their anger and move forward in life with peace and happiness.