When You're Worried Your Teen May Be Hurting Themselves
What You Might Be Noticing
Unexplained cuts, burns, bruises, or scars
These marks often appear on arms, legs, or the stomach, areas that can be hidden by clothing. Some teens use sharp objects, while others may burn, scratch, or hit themselves. The injuries may be explained away as accidents.
Wearing long sleeves or covering skin even in warm weather
Teens who self-harm frequently dress to conceal their injuries. A sudden shift toward covering up, especially if it's out of character, can be an important signal.
Talking about feeling hopeless, worthless, or like a burden
Statements like "Nothing matters," "Everyone would be better off without me," or "I can't do this anymore" should always be taken seriously. These expressions often reflect genuine emotional pain, even if they seem dramatic in the moment.
Withdrawing from friends, family, or activities
Your teen may pull away from relationships and routines that once mattered to them. Isolation can be both a symptom of emotional distress and a way to hide self-harm behaviors.
Intense emotional ups and downs
Rapid mood swings, from anger to tears to emotional flatness, can signal that your teen is struggling to regulate overwhelming feelings. These shifts may feel unpredictable and disproportionate to the situation.
Giving away belongings or making final-sounding statements
A teen who begins giving away prized possessions, saying goodbye in unusual ways, or making statements that sound like closure may be signaling suicidal intent. This requires immediate attention.
Searching online for information about self-harm or suicide
If you discover your teen has been researching methods of self-harm or suicide, take it seriously. This does not necessarily mean they have a plan, but it indicates they are thinking about it and need support.
Significant changes in sleep, appetite, or energy
Sleeping much more or much less than usual, losing interest in food or eating excessively, and persistent fatigue or restlessness can all accompany self-harm and suicidal ideation, often alongside depression or anxiety.
If you are concerned we can help.
You're Not Alone
What Might Be Going On
Frequently asked questions
Common questions
parents may have
Answers to some of the questions families often ask when trying to understand these challenges.
If your teen has talked about a specific plan to end their life, has access to means of self-harm, is actively harming themselves, or you believe they may be in immediate danger, seek help immediately. Call 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), go to the nearest emergency room, or call 911.
Yes. Research consistently shows that asking directly about suicidal thoughts does not increase risk — it can actually help teens feel understood and open the door to honest conversation. Use calm, direct language: “Have you been having thoughts about hurting yourself or not wanting to be alive?”
Stay calm and focus on listening rather than reacting with anger, panic, or punishment. Let your teen know you care about their safety and want to help them find support. Avoid demanding that they promise to stop — this can increase shame and drive the behavior further underground. Seeking professional guidance is an important next step.
Not always. Many teens who self-harm are not trying to end their life — they are trying to cope with intense emotional pain they don’t know how to manage any other way. However, self-harm is still a serious signal that a young person needs support, and it can increase the risk of suicidal thoughts over time.
What Helps Right Now
- 1
Stay calm and approach with compassion
Your teen is watching your reaction closely. If you respond with anger, horror, or panic, they may shut down and hide their pain further. Take a breath. Let your first words communicate care, not alarm: "I love you. I'm glad I know. Let's figure this out together."
- 2
Listen without immediately trying to fix
Resist the urge to jump to solutions, lectures, or reassurances like "You have so much to live for." Instead, listen. Let them talk. Reflect what you hear: "It sounds like you've been carrying something really heavy." Being heard is often what they need most.
- 3
Secure the environment
If safety is a concern, calmly remove or secure items that could be used for self-harm, sharp objects, medications, firearms. This is not about punishment or distrust. It is a practical safety step, the same way you would childproof a home for a toddler. Frame it that way.
- 4
Avoid ultimatums, punishment, or forced promises
Demanding that your teen "promise to never do this again" or punishing self-harm can increase shame and drive the behavior further underground. Self-harm is a coping mechanism for pain they don't know how to manage yet, removing the coping tool without replacing it with something healthier can make things worse.
- 5
Seek professional guidance
Seek professional guidance
- 6
Take care of yourself
Discovering that your child is harming themselves is one of the most distressing experiences a parent can face. Your own emotional response matters. Seek support for yourself, a therapist, a trusted friend, a parent support group. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
Learn More
Warning Signs
Things to to watch for with your child
- Has engaged in self-harm of any kind
- Talks about feeling hopeless, worthless, or wanting to die
- Has made specific comments or plans about suicide
- Shows sudden or extreme behavioral changes
- Appears unable to manage overwhelming emotions and daily life is affected
Crisis Resources
How Idaho Youth Ranch Helps
Therapies Used
Our clinical team will determine what therapy model or combination of models may be best for your child and family. The models we use are: