No Negative Self Talk - Distorted Thinking

Black-and-White Thinking

Viewing situations in absolute extremes - either totally perfect or an utter disaster. But here's the thing: real life isn't just one or the other; it's more like a mix of both. For example, getting a B+ on a test might feel like a total disaster to you, even though it's not that bad. The trick is to look for the middle ground. Most things aren't super awesome or terrible, but somewhere in the middle.

Black-and-white thinking comes from your mind wanting certainty and clarity. Your brain is still growing. This may make you struggle with understanding different viewpoints. It causes you to think in extremes. Like believing your friends have to agree with you all the time to be a real friend. Or feeling like you're worthless if you're not the best at everything.

As you grow older, you'll get better at seeing things in shades of gray rather than just black and white.

Instead of thinking everything is either perfect or terrible, try to find a more balanced view. This will help you handle life's challenges with more wisdom.

Overgeneralization

Making sweeping judgments based on a single piece of evidence. For example, if one person rejects you, deciding “No one wants to be friends with me.” But here's the thing: one event doesn't define everything. Especially as a teen, you might think one bad thing means everything's bad. But that's not true. It's like thinking one rainstorm means it'll never be sunny again.

Instead, look at all the facts and keep things in perspective. Remember, you're still learning and gathering experiences. So don't let one thing bring you down.

Catastrophizing

Blowing things out of proportion into worst case scenarios. For example, if your boyfriend doesn't reply to your text right away. You might start thinking he's lost interest and will break up with you. But hold on a sec! Take a step back and think about how likely it is that your worst fear will happen. Chances are, it's not as bad as it seems. You're caught up in anxiety.

As a teen, your emotions can feel super intense because of hormones. Even small stuff can seem like a huge deal —like having a bad hair day feeling like the end of the world. But here’s the deal: it's just your brain's threat detector going into overdrive. To keep things in check, ask yourself, "If my worst fear came true, how would I handle it?" Just thinking about surviving the scary stuff can make it seem less terrifying. There’s this old trick called "premeditatio malorum" from ancient Stoic philosophers. It’s all about thinking ahead about the bad stuff so you're ready for it. Doing this can help you calm down and stop making mountains out of molehills.

Emotional Reasoning

Sometimes, you might think that because you feel bad, it must mean something bad is true about you. Like if you feel ugly, you think you must be hideous. But here’s the thing: feelings and facts aren’t the same. Your mood is affected by lots of stuff, like how your brain works, your health, or how much sleep you've had. Just because you feel a certain way doesn't mean it's true. So, when you're figuring stuff out, try to separate your thoughts from your feelings. That way, you can see things more clearly.

Teen mood swings can make it seem like whatever you're feeling in the moment must be true. If you feel annoying, you might think you're annoying everyone. But here's the deal: feelings come and go. So, ask yourself, "Would I still think this way if I was feeling calmer?" Strong emotions can make everything seem worse than it is. Once you're feeling more level-headed, take a look at the facts to see things more clearly.

“Should” Statements

Rigid expectations about how you or others “must,” “should” or “ought” to behave. “I should get straight A’s.” When reality doesn’t line up with the ideal standard, you feel disappointed. But flexible preferences allow for being pleasantly surprised. “I’d like to get A’s and will try my best.”

As you grow, you often set high standards for yourself and others. But this can lead to judgment and resentment when people don't meet those expectations. Instead of thinking in "musts" and "shoulds," try shifting your language to focus on what you want. For example, say "I want to be on time for work" instead of "I must be on time or I'm irresponsible." It's important to realize that everyone has different values, priorities, and limitations. Respecting these differences opens the door to finding solutions that work for everyone.

Magnification and Minimization

Exaggerating the negatives while shrinking the positives. Dwelling on a single pimple instead of seeing your whole beautiful face. Research shows we experience more positive than negative events daily. Make sure you give equal air time to the good in your life.

It's common to focus on flaws due to increased self-consciousness. But, it's important to remember that you're more than your imperfections. Take a moment each day to acknowledge the positives about yourself, no matter how small they may seem. What made you happy today? What are you skilled at? What do you appreciate about your personality or abilities? By shining a light on your strengths, you can balance out the tendency to fixate on flaws.

Mind-Reading

Assuming you know what others are thinking, usually believing they are judgmental of you. “My teacher thinks I’m stupid and annoying.” Unless someone tells you their inner thoughts, you can’t know them. Give people the benefit of the doubt rather than guessing at motivations.

Teens often feel like they're under a microscope. Especially when you're concerned about fitting in. But here's the thing: most people are too busy dealing with their stuff to focus on judging you. If someone looks like they're giving you a critical look, it might not be about you at all. They could be tired, distracted, or have a resting grumpy face!

So, instead of assuming the worst, try not to jump to conclusions about what others think of you.

Personalization

Blaming yourself for negative events you didn’t cause. “My parents got divorced because I wasn’t the perfect child.” Their choices are about them, not you. Most things happen because of multiple factors interacting, not just one person.

As you're figuring out who you are, you often feel like you have a lot of control over what happens in your lives. Getting into the honor society seems to prove your worth. But when things go wrong – your team losing a game means you failed as captain. But, it's important to remember that you can't control everything that happens. Instead of thinking, "It's all my fault," try reframing your thoughts. Acknowledge your part in what happened, along with other factors that played a role.

Disqualifying/Discounting Positives

Overlooking your accomplishments and talents. “Getting an A doesn’t count, the test was easy.” This distortion makes it hard to appreciate your gifts and efforts. Keep an open mind about your success and worth.

Even though teens need confidence, they sometimes brush off compliments. Often they also underestimate their strengths. However accepting praise can boost self-esteem, which is crucial for facing challenges. When you catch yourself playing down your achievements, try acknowledging them instead. Say things like, "I worked hard for that," or "I'm good at this." Remember, you are capable and deserving of success!

By learning to spot these thinking traps, you can check your thoughts when emotions run high. Everyone falls into these traps sometimes. Being aware of them helps you manage them better. Stay mindful of your mental habits and keep fine-tuning your thinking! You’ve got this.