Mastering Relationships

Describe the Situation

Tune into your five senses to anchor yourself in the present:

Sight - Notice colors, shapes, and textures around you. Study an object closely. Watch leaves blow in the wind.

Sound - Listen to noises near and far without labeling them. Chimes, vehicles, birds, voices. What do you hear?

Smell - Inhale gently and explore scents. Food, flowers, pine trees, rain, soap. Savor aromas.

Taste - Slowly eat something, detecting sweet, sour, salty, bitter, savory. Appreciate flavors.

Touch - Stroke a soft blanket or pet. Splash cool water on your face. Squeeze a stress ball.

Observing through your senses combats mind wandering. You can do this while in motion or sitting still.

Express Your Feelings and Opinions

Next, share your feelings and opinions about the situation. Use “I” statements to avoid blaming.

• “I felt worried and confused when I didn’t hear from you.”
• “I get frustrated when plans change at the last minute.”

Take ownership of your internal experience. Give the other person insight into your perspective.

Assert Your Needs and Request

Now make a specific request for what you need or want from the other person. Ask for one thing at a time.

• “I’d appreciate a call or text if plans change so I’m not left wondering.”
• “I would like it if you could be on time for things/events we’ve scheduled together.

Reinforce Positively

If they’ve met your requests in the past, note that to reinforce their positive behavior.

• “You used to let me know if you’d be late, which I found really helpful.”
• “You’re usually good about responding to my calls, and I want to acknowledge that.”

People are more receptive when their efforts are recognized.

Stay Mindful

Throughout the interaction, keep your tone respectful and avoid judgment or accusations. Take a breath before responding if needed. Being mindful prevents escalation.

Appear Confident

Use assertive body language and eye contact to demonstrate self-assurance, even if you don’t feel confident. Avoid nervous giggling or self-deprecating remarks. You have the right to express your needs.

Negotiate Toward Agreement

Be open to compromise to reach mutual understanding. Consider their opinions and needs too. How can you both get your needs met?

• “I’m willing to adjust my schedule if you give me advance notice.”
• “We could agree to check-in if plans aren’t firm yet.”

Flexibility strengthens relationships. But know your dealbreakers for self-respect.

End Respectfully

Close the conversation positively, expressing hope for mutual understanding and care for your shared relationship.

• “I want us to be on the same page going forward.”
• “I value our friendship and want us both to feel heard.”

With practice, these skills become second nature for maintaining loving relationships amid conflict. You’ve got this!

Now try it yourself.

Complete the exercise on the next page to help you practice how to use DEAR Man to help your master relationships.