Growing up isn’t always as easy as we might remember. The lack of stress from paying bills and holding a job can be nice, but a lack of power and full understanding in a world that doesn’t acknowledge the rights of children can feel especially scary for youngsters.
Kids are like sponges—absorbing everything that they watch their parents and role models do and say. This can be a good or a bad thing, and oftentimes a mix of both.
While we know that no one person is perfect and we cannot protect our kids from everything, we surely want to do our best as parents to help them achieve their greatest outcomes in life. This feat can feel especially difficult to accomplish when parenting an at-risk teen who has experienced childhood trauma. The wounds of adolescence can really sting, but did you also know that they can influence a person’s social and relational competence into adulthood?
The social, relational and/or emotional development of children is an important factor in determining their likelihood of acquiring healthy social skills, life skills, mental health, and overall wellbeing as adults.
The development of such skills relies heavily on a child’s relationship with their primary caregivers, or attachment figures. Such skill development can become impacted when a child is faced with excessive stress or life struggles, such as childhood trauma or family conflict.
The quality of parental relationships can impact the social and relational competence of kids as they grow into adults. When these relationships become disrupted, limited, or cut off, there may be a greater risk for the development of more serious issues later on in life.
Luckily, research has determined five protective factors that parents can provide their kids in an effort to influence their outcomes as they relate to the risk for being neglected and abused, and also for developing the resiliency and life skills needed to succeed in life as successful, healthy, and competent adults.
Childhood is a delicate time for youngsters, as the foundations that are laid will carry forward influentially into the health, overall wellbeing, and even academic outcomes of a child as he or she progresses into adulthood.
Specific factors and dynamics of a child’s family unit or environment that can come into play include the involvement of both parents in the life of the child, the quality of the relationship between the child and parents or guardians, as well as the relationship between a child’s mother and father or caretakers.
Research has linked social and relational, or emotional, competence with:
The factors found to influence these include:
According to research, consistent relationships with caring and attentive adults who promote the above dimensions are ideal for developing healthy social and relational competence in kids.
In order to help your children develop healthy social, relational competence, there are a variety of things that parents can do. Here are six parenting initiatives:
This means that kids should not feel shamed or chastised for expressing their feelings but supported and accepted. Some emotional intelligence training may also be required, such as an emotions list.
Showing kids that you care when things impact them for the positive or negative is key. Also showing empathy for others as well. This will help instill the same qualities in children as they develop into adults.
Consistent, and strong boundaries are best for kids to help them feeling safe and to give them a baseline for knowing what is acceptable or unacceptable in terms of how they treat themselves and others.
Being polite and respectful to others in social settings is key for helping children develop respect for themselves and others. Such skills include sharing, saying please, taking turns, etc.
This entails instilling in kids the right to be upset, but that it isn’t okay to react in violence or harsh words toward others or oneself when upset. Teaching kids to have healthy outlets for expressing anger such as physical activity or creative ventures is helpful. Parents can model this through their own actions.
This may be done through vignettes and/or hypothetical situations that allow kids to work through what they would do in specific situations.
It may seem daunting or overwhelming to try to implement the above initiatives all at once. One way to help is by reaching out for community support and allowing positive influential role models in your child’s life to help. Parents are not perfect, and it’s impossible to be the perfect role model for your child at all times. Showing yourself and your child some grace from time to time while keeping boundaries intact can go a long way.
If you should ever feel like your family could use a bit of extra support as it relates to parenting, or helping your family and child develop greater social, relational competence, it may help to seek the assistance of a trained professional. Idaho Youth Ranch is comprised of experienced, licensed professionals who are trained to help equip kids and teens with the social and relational skills they need to be successful adults.
We provide a variety of family therapy, teen therapy, and equine therapy services. To learn more, contact us today. We’d love to hear from you!
Click here to read the 5 Reasons Taking Care of Yourself Makes You a More Effective Parent